Steel Panther the band the critics either love or hate but simply can’t ignore are back with another odyssey into the twilight world of spandex augmented Metal with their new offering ‘Heavy Metal Rules.’ It’s not of course a statement on the ‘rules’ of the genre, rather a teenage declaration of the love of a certain type of music and that is ably demonstrated by the opening rather animated spoken word piece called ‘Zebraman’ taken from the classic movie ‘Heavy Metal Parking Lot.’
Clocking in at nine tracks (or ten including that intro) and 36 minutes, The Panther seem to have stumbled upon the ultimate modern day party album for those that love their Metal of a certain vintage. If the idea is to suspend modern day obsessions with the politically correct for that duration then that’s all well and good. They may say all the wrong things of course, but under the flimsy satin sheets of comedy and a willingness to be even handed in their parodies of every group, race, creed, genre or sexual proclivity including themselves they continue to fly under (or maybe way over) the radar of those that believe saying the wrong thing in 2019 is a crime and an affront to society. I mean after all what a wonderful fair and equitable society we have.
There are of course also a huge bunch of people who just hate political correctness and it’s that mass of humanity that also love a loud guitar and a party that find release in the material Steel Panther create. It’s hard to imagine any other successful band getting away with this kind of humour but Steel Panther continue to make a very good living out of it.
Musically I don’t think anyone has an issue that these guys are talented as fuck – a word I think the boys have beaten their own record for using on this platter. Stix who I spoke to this very morning wasn’t sure, but he was going to do some serious ‘looking into it’. Whatever the outcome of that particular research there are a lot of ‘fucks’ on here and ones of all hues and meanings too from the ‘not giving a’ kind to the more ‘bodily function’ focused.
If you like the humour of the previous albums then you’ll laugh at this too, I know my mate Mike will be literally pissing himself with laughter at some of the one liners here (well we all get old don’t we), but he’ll also be enjoying the music too and that of course is the point – you get to laugh and you get to rock. I did ask Stix whether the band had ever considered doing a straight song – the answer was yes that they’d considered it, but not for very long.
Whether you see Steel Panther as a parody band or not may be the point for some but certainly not for all – they feature in comedy charts globally alongside real comedians but they also feature in rock charts too alongside real rockers. You don’t have to decide either…
Stripping everything away there’s some great Metal on here if you love that late eighties vintage – there’s a locker full of great riffs, great melodies, screams, strapping drum fills and booming bass and some well constructed songs. So musically it ticks the boxes, lyrically? Well if you don’t like it please just listen to something else, but you certainly will be missing out on something.
Opening with ‘All I Wanna Do Is Fuck (Myself Tonight)’ you know what you’re in for – it’s great party anthem, just as ‘Lets Get High Tonight’ is a great tune for teenage rebellion and pot smokers. And while ‘Always Gonna Be A Ho’ threatens to turn into a minor epic and has some unusual touches, for me it’s three core tracks that make this a great Rock album.
The first of those is ‘I’m Not Your Bitch’ that takes a snipe at one sided relationships that are more take than give and take. Musically it’s a great vintage rocker, though in the press release that came with the album the band declare: “”I’m Not Your Bitch” is an anthem for all acknowledged genders and sexual orientations worldwide.” Of course!
The best though on the whole album might just be ‘Fuck Everybody’ a sort of ‘Falling Down’ type of song about all the things that bug you. It’s a real standout and surely one to add to the live set?
My third pick would be a straight coin flip between the tantalizingly honest title track ‘Heavy Metal Rules’ (after all when you put all else aside the band wouldn’t be hear without the music) and the Panther classic ‘Sneaky Little Bitch’ which is pure Panther at their best.
Closing with the lilting acoustic ‘I Ain’t Buying What You’re Selling’ you can’t help but feel that the last word goes to this band musical chops. It’s a great song and another great album from L.A.’s bad boys of rock and roll.
